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August 2002

April 2002

MY OWN PRISON "The secret life of a 31-year old shut-in"

Dear Mom- I Grieve-Peter Gabriel--2002!

I went to a church group tonight, trying to make to friends to save my life. Of course it didn't go the way it wanted it to. I feel more lost than I did before. I talked with the counselor and told her my problems, she said that I would be a hard person to accept probably. I don't know what to do. So I heard that I probably wouldn't fit in there (of course in less I always wear long sleeves and put on a happy face till I burst) it hurts, it hurts...I told her I'm on the verge of suicide,,, the counslor said well I can see why you would be without any significant relationships in your life there isn't really any reason to be here, so she agreed.

It was only one hour ago
it was all so different
nothing yet has really sunk in
looks like it always did
this flesh and bone
just the way that we had tied in
but theres noone home

I grieve
for you

You leave me

so hard to move on
still loving whats gone

still life carries on
carries on and on and on and on

the news that truely shocks
is the empty empty page
why the final rattle rocks
it's empty empty cage
and i can't handle this

I grieve
for you

You leave me

let it out and move on
missing whats gone
still life carries on
still life carries on and on and on

life carries on in the people i meet
in everyone thats out on the street
in all the dogs and cats
in the flies and rats
in the rod and the rust
in the ashes and the dust

Life carries on and on and on
life carries on and on and on

just the car that we ride in
the home we reside in
the face that we hide in
the way we are tied in
as life carries on and on and on
life carries on and on

Did I dream this belief
or did I believe this dream
now I will find relief

I grieve............
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