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November 2004

essay about mom on her fourth anniversary

The Fourth Anniversay of Mom's death-, since i am doing nothing i will write an old essay

Wow, This anniversary is in stark contrast to the "blood ritual" I did at her grave on the second anniversay.
For the fouth year, im not doing shit.
Shelby Jean Rogers Patterson, my mother December 12, 1939-November 23, 2004. She would have been 64.
So here is an essay that i wrote when i still had a brain and was still in college.
I can't remember what class i wrote if for, however it was written on March 14, 2002.
Here is what the professor put as her comments at the end of the paper: she said and I quote:

"I was so touched by your essay Anna; your descriptions were the best in the class. Maybe you should try writing more about your parents, your writing might help you find something strong from their deaths. I know this assignment was difficult for you, Im glad you were able to do it. A!!"" END QUOTE

So here is the essay,
Mom's closet overflows with plain jumpers and flowered dresses, the kind that elemetary music teachers are forced to wear. Her goal was to be a concert organist, unfortunately she got "stuck" teaching little kids how to play the recorder.

When I was a baby, she began playing the organ at Decatur Trinity Christian Church. Her health problems forced her to quit after 16 years, that's when she got the job as a teacher.

Mom accidentally ran over my cat "Tinkerbell" when I was in the fifth-grade. She didn't have the heart to dispose of it at the vet, so we drove for hours and hours searching for a spiritual place to bury her.

In the second grade, I owned several cats with leukemia. Mom made them all comfortable while they were dying. She tried to protect me from death, especially when my two parakeets were eaten by my cat "Lion"

She also stayed up all night to bottle feed my 3 day old kitten. We adopted him after my father passed, hoping it would cheer me up. She did a great job, because he is 8 years old now.

Even though mom had to quit playing the organ she still played the pianos in the house. A perfectionist, she sat at the bench for hours, looking at her angel collection and singing.

I was constantly dragged to the mall every weekend. Hairspray, sales, and makeup accompanied her trips. She looked beautiful everywhere she went. Dillards was her favorite store.

Mom, was a contradiction in terms. She was prim and proper sometimes, yet other times she had the mouth of a sailor. She talked on the phone for hours and hours, cussing up a storm.

My dad used to say, "We ought to just glue the receiver to her head, that way she'd never have the trouble of putting it down."

I had to hold on for dear life when mom drove. I couldnt even count the speeding tickets she got in her lifetime. It seems a cop was always there to catch her (basically because she was always late) Tardiness was an extreme problem.

Mom did not want to get old. She purchased every wrinkle cream that was advertised on television, whether it worked or not. Our bathroom drawers were full of junk, like wrinkle-be-gone or iron-in-a-bottle!

In the beginning, she had a rose garden. She treated the roses like her children, pruning and grooming them each year. She adored delicate and helpless things, like my cats or her flowers. She brought them inside when I was little. She delicately cut off all the thorns. She took great pride in every thing she did.

I know this doesn't apply to her description, but she was terrified to die. Her faith in God kept her sane throughout it all. I never thought of her as courageous during her lifetime, but she was.
I miss her and think about her every day.
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Attempted OD. nov 21, 04

Take one day at a time---oh my god!

CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES COME ON!!!!
I only took one vicoden today! YEAH!!
After of course last night attempting an overdose again
13 klonopin
which is 26mg of klonopin to the lay person.
the usual dose is 4 mg a day!!
WELL CELEBRATE!! YIPEEEEEEEE
and no comments from the public about how i should just off myself PLEASE
hey i'm a drug addict!!