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February 2005

This is some serious shit

dude, I just swallowed my first morphine pill about 15 minutes ago. I feel FUNNY. Its called Morphine sulfate er, generic for MS CONTIN. I never imagined i would be on such a powerful drug as morphine. Its VERY CREEPY! The doc wouldnt give me oxycontin because she said (in her broken english) that i was too young 28 yeah right and i might abuse the drug. Paul says shes 28. she says oxycontin is stonger than morphine. I thought morphine was as strong as you could get. Oxycontin is what my physical therapist at dr. weiss's office wanted to put me on, but dr. min zheng said no.. as best as she could say it in english.. sheesh..
well, i am now on the same drug my mom was on when she was dying of cancer.. cool..
but on the bright side.. i have hella sexy abs. my sit-ups are really working! SMILE...

I am FUCKING STARVING!!

Okay here is a damn list of what I have had to eat today, I AM INCLUDING EVERYTHING. I MEAN DRINKS ALSO.
TWO PACKETS OF QUAKER INSTANT OATMEAL WITH A HANDFUL OF RAISIUNS
A BOWL OF GRAPES
ELEVEN RAVIOLI-YES ELEVEN WITH SOME NASTY ASS SAUSE ON TOP
ONE 100 CALORIE JELL-O PUDDING CUP
NO CALORIC DRINKS, JUST WATER AND A DIET COKE

AND THAT IS IT, FOR ONE DAMN DAY. THAT IS ALL THE FOOD I HAD
THIS SUCKS. ITS ONE THING WHEN ALL OF A PERSONS SENSORY PLEASURES ARE GONE. THROUGH NO FAULT OF MY OWN. I GET NO SENSORY PLEASURE OUT OF TOUCH, I AM NOT ABLE TO HAVE SEX, YES I CAN STILL SEE AND HEAR. BUT TO HAVE THE ONE SENSE THE PLEASURE OF FOOD BEING FORCABLELY TAKEN AWAY IS JUST FUCKED UP. THE PLEASURE OF TASTE. WHEN A PERSON IS IN PAIN CHRONICALLY THEY SHOULD BE ABLE TO ENJOY LIFES SIMPLE PLEASURES, A TASTE OF CHOCOLATE, THE WAY THE CHEESE ON PIZZA COMES OFF INTO YOUR MOUTH.
THIS IS BULLSHIT. I HAVE TO STARVE TO STAY IN THIS HOUSE. FUCK THIS.
I AM SO GOD DAMN HUNGRY!
CHRIS, YOU DON'T STAY 104 AND EAT PIZZA AND CHOCOCLATE, YOU EAT NOTHING. THE WORST PART IS NOBODY GIVES A FLYING SHIT. WHEN I WAS 135 I WAS NEVER CALLED FAT AND I WAS A HELL OF A LOT HAPPIER. BUT THE RULE IS IF YOU CAN'T PUT OUT YOU GOTTA LOOK GOOD, SO YOU STARVE.

I WONDER WHAT DR. PHIL WOULD SAY ABOUT THIS?