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August 2005

Pictures of kittens.. oh no!

I have no fucking clue why i insist on doing  pointless shit at 5 in the morning, especially when i have to get up and go to my morphine doctor in the morning. but I am just so darn proud!

This is Casey. I am still not sure if the babies are boys are girls yet, but i think they are both girls. They still have fleas...(as in a flea was crawling across my face the other night) it was not cool. And these are BIG ASS fleas. They aren't old enough to put advantage on them yet.. We are  not sure how old they are but we think 6-8 weeks. They are on solid food now, and have us both itching. Casey, is the  sweet one. I think she is going to be a lap cat! I really hope!

 This is Jayden, (little rambo) for short. She or he is probably the cutest of the two right now because of the long hair, but in the end I think Casey will win the cute contest, She is unique with her gray fur.

So, those are my two new babies,,, for my next tattoo, i want to get my cat Cody's eyes tattooed on my back. her eyes are turquiouse like a bahama ocean.

Entries about dads death, aug 7th 2005

My Father, June 1938-March 22, 1994, A GRADUATION TRIBUTE

The Window

There it sits on the second floor,
Behind it's glass, lay a world I did not know.
Behind it's glass, lay the stranger's home.
For Seventeen years, it remained unknown.
But now, the window speaks a silent tale of regret and shame.
To those it has left behind.
A secret, forever locked away.
For the living to endlessly ponder in their minds...

This poem, is in tribute to my father The Reverend John Gilmore Patterson III Ph.d. A priest at Grace St. Luke's Episcopal Church in Memphis, TN and a Chaplian to the Mentally ill at Memphis Mental Health Insitute in Memphis, TN

The reason for this tribute is because my father who died when I was 17, believed so firmly in education. He had a bachelors degree as well a Masters degree as well as a Ph.d and a doctrate from the seminary.

He was a major ass hole in life most of the time,,, to me and my mother.. But despite of all the hurt he caused in my life;I believe on Sunday he will be VERY PROUD of me...
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Letter to me from my dead mother-2005


I am watching over you my dear child; watching you suffer. I have watched it for many years. It is an agnonizing thing for a mother to see her child go through so much. You are so special to me and so brave. I never said that much when I was around. I'm sorry. Keep trying. Keep Praying. Don't renouonce God. I wish there was a way I could have held you through the seizure I saw. I know you were terrified. I know you thought it was really your time to come join me and your father that night. I would tell you when its your time, if I knew, but i don't. I know there is something you are terrified of losing. I was too. I didn't want to lose your father. I know you ask me to keep you and Paul together. I hear you,but I can't make that decision.

I am seperated from you only for a little while. You know that we will be together again. I love you my little one.

hang in there

Love you mother.

6 days until I go home. I am so angry that she will not be there for my college graduation. God knows it took long enough. . I am so scared to see her grave after 8 months.
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