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May 2006

April 2006

Saving Grace with claws?

These are my two foster kittens that I got last Saturday April 22nd from H.A.L.O. They are about a month old. I can't name them because i'll get to attached. I have to give them back in a few weeks. However, it seems since they got here, things have been better with me. I am neglecting the older cats to take care of the little ones.. hour by hour..
If they cry.. I feed them.. pick them up.. give them eye medicine..clean their box, try and put them to sleep.

Anything to take care of the little things. They have claws of death.. I have been scratched from head to toe. I also gave them both a bath, and removed any fleas i saw with tweasers.

I am glad they are here on nights like today when I feel ignored and a bit ashamed. I finally worked today after 7 fucking months.. I had a short photo shoot this morning and i made 60 dollars. I hope the photos turn out well, I have a haircut which i just LOVE.. Its red and black. I got that this monday.

So paul has a new hobby,, trading stocks on the net.. he is on the computer 24/7 so yeah i feel really ignored.

I feel sorta ashamed of a video I did for my group which now has 400 people! I gave Paul a blowjob on camera and then put it on the group. I feel sorta sleezy.

Things have been just stagnant and shitty since before the kittens. I also payed 50.00 dollars to have my mom's memorial site (which is mentioned in the last entry) on the net forever.. I also happened to notice that the people I know didn't even bother to light a candle for her.. Hmmm..

Well i better go grab the babies..



Yesterday,April 4, Tuesday I woke up at 2:30 pm and the scale said 110.6. I decide to follow and add up all my calories today as well as what i did.
It was raining again yesterday. I took a shower so Paul could come pick me up to go to Dr. Zheng's.
For Breakfast: I had an 8oz class of Light cranberry Juice---40 calories
1 packet of popcorn----100 calories

Then I took my birth control, My centrum vitamin and my extra calcium.
Next I took my 90 mg of Morphine.

Then I called my hair dresser and she can't see me until the 24th of this month, she is going on a trip to Australia.

So when Paul got here, we had a LONG-NON TALKATIVE car-ride to Tracy,at 3:30 we saw the doctor at 4:30 and then we stopped at the mall where the book store is. I bought two books.
The controversial, "A Million little pieces" by James Frey. This book has been on Oprah's book club list. It is about well, james and his trip to rehab.
Second a bought a cute book called, "Good Grief" Its about a young widow and her dealings with a new life.

The Ride home was less in silent! SO we stopped at Walgreens for some flavored Water and some milk and some SlimFast and to pick up my morphine I had just gotten.

Then we
came home and I took my laxative!

then at 7 pm I went for a 30 minute brisk walk in the rain!
i have been so depressed lately, I can't believe i did it! PAT ON THE BACK! i don't know if i can get up the energy to do it today, but you are supposted to have 30 minutes of exercise every day for a diet.

I smoked around 8-12 cigarettes for the entire day because i was bored. I went out into the shed a few times

FOr A SNACK, I HAD ONE SLIM FAST DRINK---180 calories--Then i took two Leptopril--Diet pills at 8 pm.

For dinner we kinda had to calorie estimate.. we had Spagetti-400 calories
Sauce--160 calories
Green peas-52 calories
carrots- 95 calories
Par Cheese-20 calories

Total Calories for today is 1247 calories!
As for pills, I took 2 more diet pills at 11 pm.
My night medication of antidepressant, seroquel and Clonopin
THen finally 60 more mg of morphine.

Final weigh in for yesterday 111 pounds.. A pound and i have more than i started with!
big point i made an entry on march 11 and said i weighed the exact same weight

111. now its been about 3 weeks and diet pills, I have lost no weight!!!! point is maybe diet pills DO NOT WORK!!!

Somewhere in between my pill popping and calorie counting day We got in bed and watched the movie MOTHRAAAAAAAAAAA!! that is the giant moth you see at the top. It was a japanese movie made in 1961 where (A GIANT MOTH) comes and crushes a little model city of Tokyo.
It was one of the weirdest things i have ever seen! was boring as hell though.. but everyone has to see these weird ass movies at least once!