Man, I looked and looked for photos of E/R's but I only came up with one. I don't remember anything, but I was brought in just like this person in the photo. (except by the paramedics).
So, here I am again laying on a strecher in the PEDIATIC ROOM.. They always put me in there. They call it Pediatric because it has two eerie paitings of a little boy and girl on the wall. I am hooked up to every machine on earth. I have about four IV'S in my arm. Finally, at about 4 am I remember saying, "Yes sir" to one of the doctors or staff. Apparently, i had been saying, Yes sir and No Ma'm to everybody the entire night. I said it to the paramedics and to all the hospital staff... Very odd.
According to Paul, I became a lot of people. I do not remember the ambulance, nor being in it. I don't remember the paramedics packing me up and putting me on the strecher,, (JUST LIKE YOU SEE ON TV). All, i know is inside the ambulance (somehow they got me to swallow a cup of characol) The nastiest substance on earth!
So, Paul tried to tell me some of the odd things I said. I couldn't believe it. First of all, I thought I was around 8 years old and I was in Leboneur Childrens Hospital in Memphis. I asked Paul just like a little girl would "where my blankie was.. except i used moppy--thats what i used to call it"..
Then, i told paul that I was 12 years old. He asked me, my age! and i said 12. Then, I started to scream, "Where is my daddy, where is my brother and sister?"
Then i would go back to eight years old again. ANd i asked him over again where my daddy and blankie and stuff was. Paul told this little 8 year old, "i don't know where those things are". And i giggled back in a little girls voice and I got really shy and cute, and I would say, "Yes you do,, you are just hiding my stuff from me, we are playin hide and seek, you should give it back, but its still funny" giggle giggle!
Then, paul said I turned into a 15 year old. I don't remember what I asked for then.
The little 8 year old is what totally freaked me out though.. I really did have surgery in the Pediatric ward of Leboneur hospital in Memphis at that age. Apparently, I was terrified and somehow, I think i actually went back there.
Paul kept saying, "Do you know where you are" and I said.. "well I'm In Memphis silly. In the hospital". Over and over again.
Then when i didn't talk, i was screaming. I don't think i screamed for mom like I have other times. I screamed for my daddy?
Man, after I came to, i took this HUGE SHIT in the porto potty. IT was pitch black and smelled like a burned BBQ grill. I am still mad that they made me swallow the charachol. I also saw, my shirt over in the corner and the paramedics had actually, CUT MY SHIRT OFF OF ME! I couldn't belive it. It was in the chair, and ruined.. damn..
So, what happened? what brought me to the E/R by ambulance on July 5th.. P.S i have never been in an ambulance.. Good thing I couldn't remember.
Well, since June 9th when Tammy betrayed me, by taking me to a bar and then sleeping with a stranger in my hotel room while i watched... I had been a bit freaked out.
So, I was drinking every night for almost a month since then.. I mean Piss drunk.. could not remember a DAMN thing. Paul introduced me to 151 proof alchohol. It is extremely dangerous, but it has less calories than beer or anything else..
Well, the day of Wednesday the 5th, obvioulsy did not start out too well.I was reading The responses to my journal on a depression board where I have been writing most of my stuff lately. Unfortunatley, I got a MEAN, OUT OF LINE, REally shitty hurtful comment. I WAS FURIOUS. So, I wrote this lady a response back. I was trying hard to keep my cool.
Then,i wrote the moderator of the board and told her what had happened. However, i was still really hurt. The next thing that happened was I was desperatly trying to load some John Denver songs onto my IPOD. ANd it just would not work, no matter what i did. So, i started to drink. Then I threw the two chairs here in the dining room across the floor and i got a huge gash on my hand (which still hasn't healed)
So, then Paul comes home and he reacted very badly to the fact that I had thrown chairs around. I felt so impulsive and so hurt and angry from the day, that I started on a list of how I could make it all the way home alone in my car.. Then Paul went to pick up my prescibtion and thats when I drank the rest of the 151 in the bottle.
And that is all i remember. Apparently, i was sitting on the couch screaming "Call 911" i'm scared, I'm serious" Paul thought i was looking worse and worse in the face, so he did.
ANd, that folks was my second trip to the E/R for Alchohol poisoning.. However, unlike the first trip, where i was awake and remembered everything, this time.. NOthing..
I would be absolutely honored to direct anyone who is interested to the reply message on my depression board diary which started this entire thing. I feel that it finally ended yesterday, when Paul went on the board and tried to explain that I could have died.. and to watch it when saying,,, VERY UNKIND THINGS on a place that is supposted to be supportive.
I don't know if i am going back there ever again,, we will see.
also, i don't know if i am done with this journal.. I remember as Paul tells me....
But.. i almost didn't make it to my 30th birthday in a few weeks.. I know that.. and i could have A MASSIVE insurance bill.
so, i reckon thats the end,, for now...