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July 2006

unhappy 30th birthday quiz!

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Basic About you!

Name:  Annemieke (Anna) Jeanette Patterson

Gender  :   Female

Height :   5.2

Eye Color :  dark Brown

Hair Color : BALD

Age : 30!!!!!

Birthday :  7-23-1976

what hand do you write with?::   Right handed

Piercings:  tongue, nose, vertical labret

Tattoos:  Seven tattoos!!  Two on my left leg, one on my right ankle, one on my back, one on my arm, two on each wrist.

Ring Size : 5

College:  Graduated in 2005 with a B.A in Journalism.

More About You:

Are you named after anyone? Yes, I am. Annemieke is a Dutch name. I am named after all the little girls from the Netherlands

Do you live in the moment?:;  Difficult question! I live for the future, and I do things which are very spontanious

Do you consider yourself tolerent to others?: No, I do not, however I can fake interest very well.

Do you have any secrets?: I hate to say this, but no I do not. I am rather boring.

Do you hate yourself?: Yes, I do. I have been my own enemy for a few decades.

Do you like your handwriting?: Yes, everyone can read it.

Do you have any bad habits?:  Smoking, drinking to much, I am sure there are a lot more

If you were another person, would you be friends with you?:   Difficult! It depends on the type of person who would be seeking "me" out.   Yes, I would be friends with myself.

Any regrets?:  Not being able to have a sexual relationship, Having to start opiates, not having a job, Things i never said to my parents. Also, having no friends or family.

Do you think life has been good so far?: Coming from someone who is about to enter her third decade, Honestly no, my life has not been very good.

Are you confident?: No, not a bit.

How long does it take you to shower?: 20 to 30 minutes

What color is your room?: One room is light blue and the other is just eggshell white

You want to attend college?: I have already been, but if i had to go back, perhaps UC Berkeley? but i am sure i will end up at some CRAP trade school! 

Dear John Denver...


VERY TRIPPY MAN! LIKE FAR OUR DUDE!  EARLY 1970's Publicity shot. You know the kind made before i was born! I wouldn't have slept with this dude... and never A ONE NIGHT STAND WITH ME.... JOHN HIMSELF HAD MANY.

 THIS, OLDER JOHN, VERY VERY HOT!  IF YOU TOUCHED THE MAN, HE WOULD BE STEAMIN! I would need ICE and lots of it!  (Watch this awesome delusion I have)! See, in this photo, I am probably around 17 or 18, so I got to him before his second skanky wife did.. We "MADE LOVE" (oh my god) lame!  Under the stars in Aspen, Co. After we were done, he picked up his guitar and sang "Annie's Song to me"  Then, we sat out naked in the jacuzzi... OH if i go any further, I'll start to get WET!..
Oh man,, lord can you bring John back from the dead for my 30th b/d!!! SIGH

Oh and P.S.--I read your autobiography, heres some shit i found out..

WEll, i found out you have three toes on one foot! Gross! because of a lawnmower accident at age 18. That you dodged the vietnam draft by going to a fake doctor.(draft dogder) NOT COOL!
THat you lost your virginity at 21, with some one night stand skank. That your father was in the military and you two didn't get along. That you were really shy, except when you were onstage. That you were born in 1943 with a weird ass dutch last name.. Kinda like my weird ass first dutch name,Annemieke. You were an experienced pilot at an early age. Your father, being in the service flew all kinds of planes. So, flying was  what the two of you had in common.  Kinda weird that  you crashed landed your plane around the Monterey Bay and croaked , huh?

Anyway,  you changed to Denver like in the late sixties. That you and Annie didn't really get along at all, however you guys were married. So you guys couldn't do much about it.... Eek, i am gettin tired of reading even your book!..
You had quite a lot of affairs when you were on tour--BOO!  You have a child Zak, who is now, around 32. And another Named Anna Kate, probably in her late 20's.. These were children you shared with Annie.

Then, just to get back to your womanizing ways, lets write about your second wife... you met her in Australia and her name was Cassandra (cough stripper name)) She was a 26 year old child and you were around 46, I think. So Cassie ended up having your last child, Jesse Belle. (cough hick name)  In the end,  fucking around with a child will get you nowhere, and cassie divorced him after only over a year of marriage.

If only his book had talked more in detail about his sexual life.. I would just be sitting there reading it and jacking it at the same time. he has such pretty hair..even an earing!   In the movie, "oh god" , made in 1977. John played a dumb ass grocery store manager and George burns wanted john to do it.
Well, theres a shower scence..HMMM..God appears in the shower and John's butt naked.   he had such a smooth chest, not a hair on it! 

oh well!

P.S. i shaved my head yesterday.. its completely bald. Paul is going tomorrow to some person at 3:30 to sign some more divorce papers,,, this makes it so i cannot work with robert on a modeling job.. I am soo pissed and angry.. You will never get a divorce,, its all bullshit.. That is the only job i have had in months and its just gone. I fucking hate you right now. you bought me the wrong kind of black aid (kool aid at the store. See, blacks only drink kool aid and eat kentucky fried chicken! Its true, aske the commercials.

However, you said.. drink that Black aid with 90 calories GOD, we are eating pizza, who cares! (which implies i am fat.. oh i am.)

I need the powder you idiot.. it has no calories. damn. This has been a horrible fucking weekend AGAIN... Chris Smith, called me from home to get my social security number so she could pay the cable dude... She also said my house is infested with gigantic flying roaches... GOD, I AM MORE GHETTO THAN THE NIGGERS. So, she said she would call terminex if i would foot the bill. She claims Cody is okay. she never took her to the vet like she said she would. She says cody was real lonely for about two days after Noah died and she still won't eat unless chris is standing with her... FUCK..

Anna goes to the hospital part 2..

Man, I looked and looked for photos of E/R's but I only came up with one. I don't remember anything, but I was brought in just like this person in the photo. (except by the paramedics).

So, here I am again laying on a strecher in the PEDIATIC ROOM.. They always put me in there. They call it Pediatric because it has two eerie paitings of a little boy and girl on the wall. I am hooked up to every machine on earth. I have about four IV'S in my arm. Finally, at about 4 am I remember saying, "Yes sir" to one of the doctors or staff. Apparently, i had been saying, Yes sir and No Ma'm to everybody the entire night. I said it to the paramedics and to all the hospital staff... Very odd.

According to Paul, I became a lot of people. I do not remember the ambulance, nor being in it. I don't remember the paramedics packing me up and putting me on the strecher,, (JUST LIKE YOU SEE ON TV). All, i know is inside the ambulance (somehow they got me to swallow a cup of characol) The nastiest substance on earth!

So, Paul tried to tell me some of the odd things I said. I couldn't believe it. First of all, I thought I was around 8 years old and I was in Leboneur Childrens Hospital in Memphis. I asked Paul just like a little girl would "where my blankie was.. except i used moppy--thats what i used to call it"..

Then, i told paul that I was 12 years old. He asked me, my age! and i said 12. Then, I started to scream, "Where is my daddy, where is my brother and sister?"

Then i would go back to eight years old again. ANd i asked him over again where my daddy and blankie and stuff was. Paul told this little 8 year old, "i don't know where those things are". And i giggled back in a little girls voice and I got really shy and cute, and I would say, "Yes you do,, you are just hiding my stuff from me, we are playin hide and seek, you should give it back, but its still funny" giggle giggle!

Then, paul said I turned into a 15 year old. I don't remember what I asked for then.

The little 8 year old is what totally freaked me out though.. I really did have surgery in the Pediatric ward of Leboneur hospital in Memphis at that age. Apparently, I was terrified and somehow, I think i actually went back there.

Paul kept saying, "Do you know where you are" and I said.. "well I'm In Memphis silly. In the hospital". Over and over again.

Then when i didn't talk, i was screaming. I don't think i screamed for mom like I have other times. I screamed for my daddy?

Man, after I came to, i took this HUGE SHIT in the porto potty. IT was pitch black and smelled like a burned BBQ grill. I am still mad that they made me swallow the charachol. I also saw, my shirt over in the corner and the paramedics had actually, CUT MY SHIRT OFF OF ME! I couldn't belive it. It was in the chair, and ruined.. damn..

So, what happened? what brought me to the E/R by ambulance on July 5th.. P.S i have never been in an ambulance.. Good thing I couldn't remember.
Well, since June 9th when Tammy betrayed me, by taking me to a bar and then sleeping with a stranger in my hotel room while i watched... I had been a bit freaked out.

So, I was drinking every night for almost a month since then.. I mean Piss drunk.. could not remember a DAMN thing. Paul introduced me to 151 proof alchohol. It is extremely dangerous, but it has less calories than beer or anything else..

Well, the day of Wednesday the 5th, obvioulsy did not start out too well.I was reading The responses to my journal on a depression board where I have been writing most of my stuff lately. Unfortunatley, I got a MEAN, OUT OF LINE, REally shitty hurtful comment. I WAS FURIOUS. So, I wrote this lady a response back. I was trying hard to keep my cool.

Then,i wrote the moderator of the board and told her what had happened. However, i was still really hurt. The next thing that happened was I was desperatly trying to load some John Denver songs onto my IPOD. ANd it just would not work, no matter what i did. So, i started to drink. Then I threw the two chairs here in the dining room across the floor and i got a huge gash on my hand (which still hasn't healed)

So, then Paul comes home and he reacted very badly to the fact that I had thrown chairs around. I felt so impulsive and so hurt and angry from the day, that I started on a list of how I could make it all the way home alone in my car.. Then Paul went to pick up my prescibtion and thats when I drank the rest of the 151 in the bottle.

And that is all i remember. Apparently, i was sitting on the couch screaming "Call 911" i'm scared, I'm serious" Paul thought i was looking worse and worse in the face, so he did.

ANd, that folks was my second trip to the E/R for Alchohol poisoning.. However, unlike the first trip, where i was awake and remembered everything, this time.. NOthing..

I would be absolutely honored to direct anyone who is interested to the reply message on my depression board diary which started this entire thing. I feel that it finally ended yesterday, when Paul went on the board and tried to explain that I could have died.. and to watch it when saying,,, VERY UNKIND THINGS on a place that is supposted to be supportive.

I don't know if i am going back there ever again,, we will see.
also, i don't know if i am done with this journal.. I remember as Paul tells me....

But.. i almost didn't make it to my 30th birthday in a few weeks.. I know that.. and i could have A MASSIVE insurance bill.

so, i reckon thats the end,, for now...