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November 2006

Klonopin withdrawal...

After the physically uncomfortable symptoms of the past few days... One being EXTREME SLEEP DEPREVATION! I think i have now been awake for over 24 hours!!   I could not figure out what was causing my heart to just beat out of my chest so hard that if it had been a butterfly, I never would have caught it!  I was also sore, all over my entire body... It felt like I had just gone out for a three mile run, and my poor body is saying--STOP I AM OUT OF SHAPE! Really, severe muscle aches..  

Paul of course blamed the cough syurp, which i haven't used in days (thank ya no applause please)!!   But I knew it could not be that... So, i tried to think of what i did different the past two days.. The only thing is.. I am trying to diet again... HEE hEE... but I smoked a couple of cigarettes. 

Anyway, like a total dunce, I was just sittin here at the computer and my Klonopin bottle was in front of my face... then a lightbulb went off, and they so rarely do! I think i have missed my klonopin for two days...   Well, this was around 12 pm this afternoon... So, I took the klonopin and almost immediately everything went away.. My heart stopped going THUMP THUMP. THUD.. and my muscles don't hurt and i am finally really sleepy!!!     So, if that was benzo withdrawal for not taking my meds for only a few days, Imagine what it will be like to actually get off of them! 

Amazing!  but now of course i need them.. they are a part of my regular psychiatic care or whatever....

Well, next... Is an incredibly ridiculos conflict that really came just out of the clear blue sky from some folks down at the ol mental health board. Um, i am really too tired to go into it much, but this entry will be marked FRIENDS ONLY.. along with an supsequent issues on this subject!!   (i sound like a person who uses big words a lot)   Needless to say, this competely ruined Paul  and i's Thursday night.. and the thoughts that I have been having about it are spinning in my head around 5 seconds an hour now.. They are Very uncontrollabe.. my racing thoughts..

Okay, well i will come back and hopefully explain this odd deal with Chris or Sara or.. any of the other "few" friends i have that i don't really know.. Please don't take that wrong!! 

Oh.. me wanna go NITE NITE...... 

Its a Hard knock Life for us..

Come and visit my erotic diary at Photoconfessions

I feel bad that i have left the most favorite site I use basically untouched for a while.
Well, its almost 2 am. I am actually back in my room! Yeah, I wanted to computer to be back here so we relocated.

I am NOT high on anything this morning. First of all, I deleted a journal from October 2006. It talked about how I was going to be on a "real" porn site where men have to pay.

So, Point is, finally I am there. My "sex" journal did not appear until around two days ago. My initial reaction was a bit of excitment. I am the model down at the bottom, I am Virgin Rose. They used the photo of me with the green hair.

Next, I must mention that my "accountant" who handles my dead mom's money, Ronald Sanford and I have seem to gotten ourselves into a major tiff. It started with an e-mail on his part. (ah i can't find the original e-mail) I don't guess I should keep going with it. However, now I am afraid of him and boy does he hate me, even after I apologized. The odd thing with this is, "Ron, that isn't your money, its mine, I can take it elsewhere"


This photo is my total Favorite. I just LOVE IT!

This is good too.

She liked the phonebook deal, thats cool i like this!

This is still on the mermaid idea. its nice.

I used this headshot on my new "tagged" page. did i mention I started that page too?? Wow.

Finally, i had to instert this one. I have gotten negative comments on it.. But, it was the artist's Idea. its not "great" but different.

SO, nothing worth talking about in the next immediate future. I hope to make up with Ron, Um, i don't have any photo shoots schedled. Oh yeah, i mentioned in another journal that if i don't get better mentally than We ran into my future on Sunday at the Safeway..    They call mentally ill spinsters, with even one cat, crazy cat ladies right? Well, l myself wasn't doing to good sunday, i dressed like i should be locked up too.  Anyway, this women around i would guess her early 60's stopped us, she had a cat face painted on her own face. and it was PAST halloween. Plus she had a cat t-shirt. she had sorta rotting teeth and she babbled on and on about some new stray cat resue mission around. she wouldn't let us leave. 
I thought she had forgotten to take her meds for that day. I wrote this on the mental health board and they just gave me hell.   But, i mean, its me in 30 years.. 500 cats, trying desperatly to flag down anyone who will listen to her.  Man..

I am glad i got a change to catch up...