Feb 13. 07, promise to try by madonna
Memories of My former drug problem, Walking Montery.

A death conversation with John Denver 2. about drugs

ME:  "John Denver! What are you doing here? (I mean) I'm in total shock, you've been dead forever!" "Oh  man, Please tell me I'm dreaming" (nervously looks around)

DOWN BELOW: ME: It was an accident! Cant you help me out?" "Whats happening to me?" Something's really wrong this time" This has NEVER happened be    
I cant walk! Im choaking! My legs are paralized! Im disembodied, I dont even know where I am! Im leaving! Help! its too late, oh god, i dont wanna die yet!"  (sorta crying) (heart pounding) (confused)


Paul: Sleepy "Stop it will you, Its the middle of the night, Just because its Saturday it doesnt mean i have to stay up with you" I am so sick of this" it always happens when you get fucked up, your just fucked up"  (closing his eyes and dreary and going back to sleep)

John: (strumming a guitar) "So how about we sing something, shall we?" "What do you think?"

ME: "Well I guess we could"

John: (smiling) "Far out.. and a one, two one two three.."well life on the far...."

Me: "Wait a minute" I still dont get why youre here, You never told me if i was dreaming or not (getting nervous again)

John: (putting down his guitar) "Just to keep your mind off things"


Me: What things? Are you sure this is just a dream?

John: "I dont make those decisions, kiddo, but no one deserves to be alone"


Me: "So Paul hasnt found me or even looked"  (raising my voice)

John: (picking up his guitar again) "no, kid Im afraid he meant what he said, He doesnt know"


Me: (about to cry) Know what?

John: (starting to play) " Dont cry, your body is just tired, just tired this time, thats all"  Come on, How about Rocky Mountain high?



ME: (looking around getting more afraid) "But its supposted to just be friday night, we were just at hannibal rising, then he bought me two bottles at Longs just like normal.

John: And then things maybe started to feel really different, and paul doesnt believe you? Your legs really dont work?


Me: studdering  but but isnt it still friday?

John: "No, kiddo.. well technically but you are probably gonna sleep for a long while"

Me: (oh my god) you mean forever!

JOhn: "no, I do nt think so, a couple of days or three or four  (hey we could sing, um What else is your favorite"?


Me: "John Wait, im scared, Was this the Close close call the one that means i have to stop this> am i really alone? no one knows what im going through right now (crying) How will I stop? im all alone"?

John: Strumming again   Well, I dont know.. but you said that you went through partial seizures and the paralisis and the body swelling, thats a lot.  Come on lets sing again


Me: (whispering) okay

JOhn: "sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy......


So, i spent about a frustrating hour and half on the phone with blue cross looking for a therapist, that didnt work so i went back on the net and left a message for some mother fucker psychologist whose a guy.. Yeah, this was bad.. My john story was supposted to tell what happened-oh well.

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OKAY, YO THIS IS JUNE 8th, IVE JUST BEEN TOLD BY A BASTARD THAT HE WOULDNT CARE IF I HAD STAGE FOUR BREAST CANCER.. ITS THE MEANEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD OKAY.. IVE BEEN OFF DEX FOR MONTHS AND MONTHS.. I KNOW JOHN WAS SINGLE AND LITTLE CASSIE TOOK HIS ASS FOR EVERYTHING HE HAD.. AND THIS SONG MAKES ME WANNA VOMIT... BUT THERE HAS TO BE SOME DAMN POINT.. IT WAS SUPPOSTED TO BE ME,, THAT WAS IT>. YEAH< FUCK OFF.

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