Well im up at almost 3 am posting some more of moms diary entries.
It is rougher without my seroqul. I cant get my mind to shut up and go to sleep. It just keeps swirling around with things.
Anyway, like on monday i made a 25 dollar donation to the ASPCA in memory of Noah.. God, theres this incredibly sad commerical that Sarah Mclaughin sings on animal planet.
I saw it in the hotel room and i dripped tears as soon as it started (man they are good) the sad part is, i had to send the fucking memorial card TO MYSELF!!! like you are supposted to sent it to someone who has LOST A PET, not to yourself who has LOST A PET... heres what my 25 bucks got me...
Now, i was limited on the message space that I had in the card. I wanted to act like This was (Noah) sending me a card and telling me that he was now fine in heaven....
So, acting like Noah, I wrote in the card space...............................
I missed you when I passed on, but I am really Okay now. I was a little scared when i first got here to kitty heaven, but theres all kinds of things to do, all kinds of animals to meet. i sit on moms lap too!
I love you mommy. dont be sad!
So even for 25 bucks, I didnt get to add an ending to the message--
After, i love you mommy. dont be sad, I wanted to write... at least..
I am with you always.
or something to that effect.
Even though i kinda got ripped off by this little card, Folks you should donate to the ASPCA really. http://www.aspca.org/site/PageServer HEre is where i went to donate...They really could use your help!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Come and visit my erotic diary at Photoconfessions
Sigh, i had a medication change that i dont know if i really like much, 120mg of cymbalta rather than 60. It seems to have put me back on a "normal" sleep schedule. I got up at 10 am today and so instead of getting to sleep through the day, i have to suffer all my aches and pains wide awake. (i wish i could insert a wav file of my mom's funeral) however its on tape and it has to be on a CD for it to work. Anyway, the point of this is, i was outside smoking (again) and I heard this BIG ASS orange tomcat who is in heat hollering. (MaN it pisses me off) on my walks that i take sometimes i have seen about 4 stray cats. I figure a couple of them are probably female. (if only i could trap that wild orange male so he wont go around impregnating all the females) But it takes probablly three or four people to trap a wild cat. Then i would need a vet who would offer to neuter it for free or for very low cost. It just breaks my heart that next month there will be tons of little tiny babies who are orphaned and who will die because these strays around my hood cant be caught.
All four of my new cats are stray kittens who were abandoned. God, so many that will be abandoned soon... Some cruel heartless fuck will probably throw them alive into the garbage or worse throw them into the river down in antioch. (thats just insane) Ive been reading a book about the end times and the author is very smart (he claims that the bible says all christains all blessed with at least on spiritual gift.. the only one that i can think of for me is my love of lost or abandoned cats and kittens. They are gods creatures. (sigh)
Anyway, i feel so physically bad as always.. but this high dose has me all jumpy inside. so its hard to go back to sleep.. oh and sara if you read this... i am highly tempted to go get some cough syrup, but im not gonna.. lets see ive been clean for 17 days and it blows!
So, last is my paul relationship.. getting ickier! last night we were (sorta playin) around,, but its odd, i have this thing where i just cant keep from picking at him. I mean with my hands... its bizarre. i'll like stick my hand in his mouth or smash his face together or tell him he has a forest of NOSE HAIRS and then pick at those. (he says FUCKING QUIT and he MEANS it) but i dont quit. So, i was fucking with him last night and he was sick of it so we starting (physically getting at each other) well he started pinching me.. so he pinched me on the arm FUCKING REALLY HARD,,, a bruise came the second he did it..... (god that hurt) damn! So then, I started kicking him in the head,, more like pumeling him in the head. I bent his stupid glasses (that are supposted to be unbendable) U know I dont care... there has been no support about the raise in Meds, No good job,.. PAT ON THE BACK AT ALL for staying off of cough syrup.... i dont know why i stay off...
Well, guess thats all, nows theres nothing to do on the puter either.. !! and i feel like im gonna barf! CHECK THIS OUT I JUST DID IT, ITS SOOO CUTE!!! ITS OF THE CATS PLAYING WITH A DUMB LAZER POINTER. AW!!