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May 2007

Hopeless, mothers day is really tough!

I had to drive myself to my pain doctor today, I was scared of the driving part.. I think i have a UTI. I keep peeing constantly. But Dr. Zheng couldnt check it. Georgie is sick.. but he has no visable symtoms. His nose is warm and he doesnt wanna be touched, but hes eating and drinking okay.. so i dont know..  Thank god theres only 5 more days of mothers day commercials.. they are agonizing to watch..  They make me SO angry and so hurt and i dont have an outlet.  Just a bottle... U know, one mothers day about 2002- I was still friends with Neely Keltner.  So, we were at the mall, and Neely was just walking around trying to find her mom a mothers day present---not one comment came out of her mouth as to the effect that she was maybe "sorry that i had no mom to buy for"   So, i couldnt take it.. while Neely was in a store, i sat on a bench, pulled out a razor, and by the time she got back i had blood all over me--in a public place... Neely was furious.. I never even got to tell her why i did it..
I dont think anyone will ever understand me, it really does seem hopeless. I really miss mom.. but i am coming to terms with the fact that she is disappering.. I forget her voice, her face, her smell.. she is slowly fading from my memory..
God, i really hate mothers day..

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